I remember times when I felt fat and bloated; when my pants were gnawing into my stomach so I was in a constant state of discomfort, this was when I normally went off and stuffed my face as a way to escape how I felt. While eating I would think "I should start eating right" and I wondered "what the heck... why am I eating junk food and why I don't I care that I am?!" Likewise, when I'm feeling bad about a sin is when I feel frustrated with God, because He won't help me, and often in order to escape those miserable feelings, I reach for the vice. Crazy how our past-times actually create the unrest in our lives and yet they are at the same time our temporary relief from it. For so many people, this momentary pleasure is their only reason for living and enduring through the day. The power of addiction is how it keeps us miserable and then makes sure we see it as the only escape from the misery.
I can pile up knowledge, life experience and observations. I can add zeal, good intentions and motivation on top that, and then add some discipline and reciting the truth, but all of this still cannot even come close to balancing the scale. I have sought to bind myself with promises and commitments, yet Satan inserts one simple desire, and like a paper chain can't hold back a pit-bull that spotted a stray cat, likewise, my commitments can't hold me back. One desire voids the good intentions and erases all former good sense. My spirit being alive with God's life is my only way to walk in victory. Yet lately I have not found evidence of His strength in my times of weakness, my spirit is in a coma. Therefore I am left to fear those times when desire arises and instantly ties up the mind, motivation and will, leaving me with no way to fight.
Lovely are your ways O Lord, You are wonderful So why must my mind be numb through the day? Iím spiritually ADD
I canít focus for the life of me Like a man channel surfing on the TV My mind drifts continually Everyday when I am working and busy O Lord when I am free and fatigued I find my depths are only ankle deep Not near enough to drown the enemy
My Wisdom is like a house My desires are the fire that burns it to the ground
My Knowledge is like a knife My flesh is like a mighty two-edged sword My Love is like dry wood, My fatigue is like the match by which it is consumed
I want to move from chapter 7, to Romans 8 For I have been singing this same old song too long that; I donít do what I want to do, and I do what I hate
We often are willingly ignorant of the consequences that naturally result from our actions. Even with things that are as obvious as man and woman + sex = baby. Or food + over eating = bad health. Or a Person + drugs = Addiction. People are so in love with their sin, that they're surprised when the results of their actions shoot them in the head.
I want to get entangled with what is my undoing I want to find life in what will only take it I want to give in though there is no way out I want to flirt with the enemy though I know she'll destroy me
If not for these fetters I would gladly take the poison and drink Despite of these chains my heart reaches through the bar wishing she would embrace me
For i am under her spell Enchanted by her charm If she handed me a bowl i would gladly sell my soul without a second thought As if it was no big deal To be eternal damned For what can't even fulfill
I know i'm here God though as if in the third person Oh I ask that you might perhaps show some pity If only I could see again clearly If only I could wake up sober and free Oh God, please God, Please...
Oh God you gave me over to the sin of my choosing But Lord now in my moment of sanity hear me Lord free from my deception and take me back, please take me back
For God I've been happy in this state of sin And have not felt the least bit of shame Lord tell me why I've not even batted an eye or felt any unease or inner pain My spirit has been lulled asleep Its like i've been enchanted to believe that there is no higher purpose then self-pleasing
Oh God this is my confession Hear me and forgive me Pull me back in, awaken and embolden me to fight
There is no reasoning with the enemy No she must be thrust through These is not arguing with the witch singing a spell over me No she must be thrust through I must take action, I must take action in Gods name, I must take action
Often it is when we think we're set. When we are not dealing with temptation at all and we are riding high, that we're taken by surprise. In this drawing you'll notice there is a loose link in the chain. The drawing below, shows how out of nowhere, the enemy can insert a thought, that plays on repeat in our head, creating desire and once desire is created, we're toast.
Jesus said "they won't come to the light lest their deeds be exposed" That is what this drawing is meant to capture and to explain why there is "no rest for the wicked" As you can see, they won't come to the surface because they don't want to be caught, so they are frantically looking for air by digging in the mire. Likewise, I find myself trying to find life where it can't be found, digging myself deeper and deeper into a pit, looking for a treasure that is not there.